I envy some who seem to make a plan and see it unfold in their live. They function in their gifts, they are fulfilled completely by what they do and they are people who accomplish their goals.
Sigh...if only I were one of those...
My life seems much messier somehow. I make plans, they seem to turn out differently than I'd imaged. I work partly in my skill set, but not completely...and most of the time the goals I set seem to get off track.
Why is that? Am I alone in my hopes of a put together, packaged life?
The white picket fence family.
In my life, as I try to follow Jesus, I have come to the conclusion that he is more interested in transformation than goals, more interested in me becoming than being someone. He is causing me to be the person I want to be but don't have the guts to really ask. Perhaps real transformation comes through pain and hardship. I'd like to say that having wisdom and becoming mature is a goal...it is. Yet I run from pain. Is is possible that real growth, maturity and wisdom can be attained without hardship and pain and trials?
I don't know.
What do you think?
What have you experienced?
James 1:2-4
2 Cor. 12:10
Generally speaking, I think that if we ever want to make God laugh, we should tell Him our plans. I'm learning that I'm a bit (okay, maybe more than just "a bit") of a control freak. I want things to work out the way I want them to, and I try to micromanage and engineer every detail about everything: my goals, my jobs, the image of myself that I present, even my relationships with people. However, I'm learning that perhaps this isn't a good thing...when things don't work out, I find myself feeling so terribly about them. I always blame myself, because if I'm always depending on myself it must be my fault, right? I want to be able to fully surrender my heart to Jesus and allow Him to direct my life. It is a terrifying notion, to give up control. And I'm not saying we shouldn't all have dreams and aspirations and we shouldn't take responsibility for our actions and their outcomes, but I think its the only way I'll ever truly be happy and fulfilled.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right...I too am on a learning curve. Thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteNo, I don't think real growth, maturity and wisdom can be attained without hardship and pain and trials and have asked and wondered MANY times - why do I have to be challenged in such intense ways to grow? Why can't I just DO IT when it's just not so darn painful and I can do almost nothing else but grow? Else, be bitter or stuck I guess, and I won't do that. I wish I was someone who could keep growing and changing how I need when I'm comfortable and things are easy, but I am not one of those people. As they say, someone will change only when they get sick and tired enough of things staying the way they are and for me that has been true. I just don't do it when comfortable. I just don't. I get content, distracted by other things, and too comfortable and am not faced with the need to change anything then. Things are 'working'. So I think I've come to accept that at least for me and many around me, it is the pain and trials in life that actually can be the gifts we need to get us moving in the direction we really need to go. Kicking and screaming if we must. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat appears to others is not what goes on 'behind' the seemingly fulfilled life of the individual. God allows each of us to go through experiences/messy lives/pain to become that person He created us to be. As Christians, why would we want to be anything else?! From these times, growth only, then, comes. We short change God's way, if we think we can 'run from' what He wants us to learn.. however, whatever,,,,He will get it accomplished. Will we be part of it?! It is a continual, daily process to be able to go 'through' the fire and know He goes before. "Take me out of the equation, Lord"... It is all for your kingdom.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone in your desire for a put together, packaged life. Therein lies part of our problem. We are alive, on this earth waiting for Jesus to come make it just like we've always longed for. Living in American doesn't help either, where we are bombarded with images of "having it all" or at least having it all together. Then we feel as though we don't measure up, when- if we took our tinted glasses off, we would see that A.) He never intended for us to have a mess free life and B.) most around us have their own messes.
ReplyDeleteI have found that more I really get to know people, we all have messy lives, in various ways and none of us live the perfect life we dreamed of and even planned and worked hard for. I find that it is the bad stuff, the ongoing messiness that keeps me hanging on for dear life to Him. The mess keeps me humble, needing him cause I sure find it easy to get distracted otherwise.
A friend recently suggested that without all my "stuff", I wouldn't be the person I am today. My "stuff" is my messinesscure-past and present. I of course, would much rather trade in my stuff for the picket fence life but I wonder like you, if it isn't the hard, the ugly, the pain that is really the rain that causes the seed to sprout and grow. And join the club, we all run from pain. It's called survival sister and it is scarry to enter the door to pain on purpose.
Thanks for having the guts to share your mess:)That's called brave.
Sometimes our goals transform right along with our hearts. I think we learn from our messes but we can learn from what is clean too. The fun (challenging) part is learning to clean our messes and helping others to clean messes that look like ours did. This can be done through action and example. So many people are ill equipped to clean, ill equipped for pain. Pain is an opportunity to grow our empathy. Skip the fence and invest in some picnic tables. Do you realize the positive influence you have on others? I think you set a good example of living, loving, and learning. You have certainly had a positive influence in my life.
ReplyDeleteHi Tami- I like your thoughts. I wish also that I could have a neat, pretty and packaged life! Or that the adage would be true for once " work hard and be rewarded". But, I would have to say, my faith and perspective have been tested and tried through an abusive marriage and divorce and unemployment. I am a planner and a dreamer! Its so challenging to not be able to do that at this point in my life, when I am so focused on working and paying off debt. All other things seem futile.. So I hear you, I would love to FEEL settled but I KNOW that God is in control of my messy life, and yours too! <3 Janet Mellon
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